SINCE I COULDN’T SET A GOAL IN MY LIFE...

The sun was rising by shedding on its yellow light. The birds had already woken up and started with chirping as if they give a small concert. Every morning, it was as if the birds were saying; "Get up, wake up. 

"I'm tired of the sound of these birds. “Gu-guk, gu-guk!”. I can't sleep even though I want to sleep a little longer."

"What happened, Tuğçe? Did you get up on your left side again this morning?" asked her mother. "Don't feed those birds so they won't come. I can't sleep because of them," Tuğçe replied.

Actually, the birds were just an excuse. Tuğçe had been feeling on pins and needles nowadays. She'd lost her taste for life. She started to evaluate herself as a person nothing to do. So, she stayed home all the time, barely able to get out of bed. She was depressed and didn't realize it.

While getting prepared for university exam, Tuğçe felt confident enough to pass the exam. While her schoolmates were studying hard, she used to say, "I'm already successful at school. I also take tests at home. This much study will be enough for the division which I desire at university."

But her exam didn't get through as well as he'd hoped. After a while the exam results have been announced. But Tuğçe couldn't succeed to be placed into the division which she was dreaming.

"I'll study the division whatever my score is enough for." she said. "I can’t withstand to get prepared for the exam again next year." So that, based on her score, she has been registered into a division which he'd never considered.

Years later, after she graduated from university, the first sentence she expressed was; "I won’t perform this profession at all." Now, after her graduation she was showing a sharpness which she should have displayed during her preparation stage of the university exam. His family tried to persuade her, by saying, "You've worked so hard for so many years. Where and how are you going to find a job now? Wouldn't it be better to get a job related to your field?" Unfortunately, they were not able succeed it.

Tuğçe was quite decisive this time. She wasn’t willing to work on this field which she has studied. But what supposed to she now? Where and how supposed to she find a work. She was regretful even though she was trying to hide this from her family. She was regretful for not working hard enough and over estimating herself at preparation stage to the university exam. She was angry with her self by saying “You will pay for being impulsive.” What supposed to she do now?

Every morning, she was waking up with full set of questions in her mind. “How much longer will I stay at home? How long will I ask my family for pocket money?” Questions were coming but she couldn't find the answers. She felt like she had reached a dead end. That's why she lost her happiness and spirit.

Tuğçe had locked herself in her room by saying “I waste four years of my life for nothing. What did I get? A big nothing.” She was feeling like there was nothing that could be done for her after that. In the mornings, after breakfast, she was watching people going to school or work. “Everyone has something to do. I also tried to do something, but it didn't work out.”

Her friends were saying "Give some time for yourself. It is for sure you will find something to do.” But it all was useless.

She was feeling herself failed. She didn't feel like she belongs to anywhere. She was experiencing the burnout syndrome.

One day, when she was alone with herself, the sentences poured out of her mouth; “It turns out how important decision-making is. I've been living randomly without thinking about it. Look at these birds. Who tells them how to live? What to do? They don’t live the life by chance. They don’t say ‘Lets fly there one day, lets fly here another day.’ Well, why I live my life so?”

While dealing with herself, she realized how aimless she used to live. “Yes of course. Even an insect has a goal in his life. That's exactly my problem. I couldn't set my own goal. Since I couldn't determine my goal, I followed wherever life led me.”

But why would a person does stay targetless? Can we count a wish or desire as a target? Can every desire we have become our goal? If that were the case, people today would not be unhappy despite pursuing their desires.

Human being is a creature with a lot of desires. We have hundreds of desires, including clothing, housing, having relationships, getting attention, being loved. While a person designs his life based on desires, the life says, "Every choice comes with a price."

In case a person misses this point, he cannot choose the right things for himself.

He gets hungry, so she cooks, but he doesn't want to wash the dishes. He wants to get married and have children, but he doesn't want to deal with children’s problems. He starts a job to earn money, but he doesn’t want to have a work load.

In other words, we simply want our wishes come true, but avoid the price of those wishes.

That's what Tuğçe did. She wanted to study at a good school, but she avoided the hard work of getting there. Because her dreams did not overlap with reality, she lost her self-confidence. She even had manipulated herself that she could not success anything in life. Until she realizes that the birds came to her window every day to give her a message ...